An Invisible Story

        Since the day I was born, I was always "that girl" who was sickly. At birth I was 6lbs. and 12oz., but I lost weight like it was my duty in life. I wouldn't breast feed and it took forever to find a bottle I would use, my stubborn nature was evident from the start. My parents purchased a baby scale and religiously weighed me every night to make sure I was gaining. Eventually I caught on and that bullet was dodged.
       At the age of 3, I began having bathroom issues. I was taken to the gastroenterologist, who commented I was the youngest patient he had ever seen with these issues. They preformed a colonoscopy, and discovered colon polyps. Luckily they were benign, another sigh of relief for my parents. By the time I was 6 years old, I had endured 5 colonoscopies. But my parents never took pity on me, they just explained it so simply that I thought all kids had colonoscopies. Little did I know that this procedure is most common in late adulthood. As I grew, I sometimes talked about what I had endured and others were just disgusted that I would bring that up, like it was a bad thing and I should hide it.
      Off and on as I grew up, I made numerous trips to the pediatrician for small things like acid reflux, scarlet fever, easy bruising, scoliosis, pneumonia, and frequent ear infections. But I was always fine. As a freshman in high school I suffered from my 3rd case of pneumonia. This time it hit me hard, and my body did not bounce back like it had in the past. I lost weight, had a terrible cough, and fainting spells because I couldn't breath. I was admitted into the hospital for 3 nights where the doctors were convinced I had late onset Cystic Fibrosis. My mom was devastated and could not believe her ears as the doctors discussed treatment plans. By the grace of God, the tests came back negative. I was instead diagnosed with Bronchiectasis, a disease where the lungs are stretched and widened due to scar issue and mucus can block the airways. This can be treated with several different breathing treatments, and I have had much success with them so it is not a major issue for me currently.
       Then Type 1 Diabetes came into my life at the age of 17. Honestly out of all my diagnosis, I took this one the easiest because I had grown up with a childhood friend who is a T1D. I was not scared because I knew I would still be able to lead a normal life. But it is an invisible disease where on the outside you appear totally fine but on the inside your are always fighting an internal battle against sugar, carbs, insulin, exercise, and millions of other variables. But it becomes the new "normal" and life goes on. People have a hard time understanding the disease and judge without really knowing it. That's why we must advocate, not just for diabetes, but all diseases.
        I am not looking for pity in this post. I do not want people to feel sorry for me because I am living a happy, healthy life. I am exposed to wonderful technology and have an amazing support system. I am lucky.
       I am just asking for no judgement. Everyone has their own story, their own private lives where they suffer. I have friends and family who live with a variety of diseases and health issues including: Type 1 Diabetes, Celiacs, Anorexia, Fibromyalgia, Leukemia, Crohns, Multiple Sclerosis, Colon Cancer, Breast Cancer, Depression, Cystic Fibrosis, Autism, Blindness, Deafness, Asthma, and the list can go on and on. All of these diseases suck, but all the sufferers I know are so much more than their disease. They are HUMANS, they are FIGHTERS, and they LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS. So please DO NOT JUDGE. Treat everyone with respect because we all live with something that has changed us. An invisible story that makes us who we are. So do not be afraid to share your story. I am sure it is worth telling. <3

This is ME. Be proud of who you are. 

Reality

The reality is this summer was less than desirable.
The reality is we had a four foot flood in our basement.
The reality is I lost many cherished items.
The reality is diabetes sucks.
The reality is I am not in complete control.
Life does not always play fair and that's ok.
The reality is it'll be fine as my BFF continuously reminds me.
Lost items are not as important as people and memories.
Diabetes will always throw curve ballast me, I just have to correct and move on.
The reality is this summer made me a stronger person.

             

Guilty

       Tonight, I am feeling guilty. Guilty about something I should not even have to worry about. This afternoon I forgot to give an insulin bolus for a sweet treat I consumed and did not realize until it was too late. This was my first time ever getting the above 600 mg/dl reading on my meter. And it is a moment and feeling I never want to experience again.

Yucky

        Immediately I blame myself. It is my responsibility to count carbs and bolus correctly. Diabetes must be on my radar at all times. But a human-being cannot remember everything. Mistakes will be made because nothing is perfect. I must control a function that my body should be able to control on it's own. And it's so HARD. That's the truth. I cannot let diabetes take over my life. These bad moments come for a reason, to remind me to get back on track. One bad day is not the end of the world, but it sure scared me and serves as a reminder that every moment is precious.

Tonight I am praying hard for a cure...

PS: The BG is back in range, and all is well :) 

Show me your pump

          People inspire others every single day. You read about these stories on the news all the time. Usually I don't  pay much attention, but recently a story caught my eye. Sierra Sandison, who was just recently crowned Miss Idaho, wore her T-slim insulin pump out in the open for all to see during the swimsuit competition. People may think that this is no big deal, but in the mind of a T1D this is no small task. It takes extreme courage to put your disease out there in plain site for all to see. I may seem like I am very open with my disease, but my pump is one thing I am self conscious about. Instead of using a pump clip and sticking my pump in my pants pocket, I use a fanny pack type device to conceal it underneath my shirt and am always checking to see if my tubing is hanging out. I don't know why I feel I need to hide it, but it's something I have always done. Deep down I am insecure about having to rely on a device to do something that my body should be capable of doing on it's own.

Pump Selfie 

        Sierra's story has helped me see that if she can wear a bikini on stage in front of thousands of people WITH an insulin pump, then I can casually walk around town with my insulin pump in my pocket for the world to see. She has inspired me not to hide the pride I have for living with Type 1 Diabetes. If people ask questions, I can answer them with confidence knowing I am advocating for a disease that has many misconceptions. Many T1D's acrossed the country have been encouraged by Sierra and there is currently a #showmeyourpump hashtag on instagram where pump users are posting all kinds of selfies with their insulin pumps. Looking at these pictures brings tears to my eyes. It saddens me that we have to wear these devices, but it makes my heart smile knowing we are in this together fighting the same battle, a battle we are winning. SHOW ME YOUR PUMP!

Not normal

Let's not kid ourselves, life with Type 1 diabetes is NOT normal. There is no denying it. 

Pricking your finger 6 times a day is NOT normal

Giving yourself multiple shots a day is NOT normal 

Wearing your pancreas on the outside is NOT normal 

Measuring everything you ingest is NOT normal 

Counting carbs is NOT normal 

Peeing on a stick is NOT normal 

Drinking juice boxes in order to stay alive is NOT normal 

Living this ABNORMAL life comes with challenges but also many victories. 

Everyday is a TREASURE 

Beating high blood sugars is INCREDIBLE 

Teaching others about the disease is a GIFT 

Waterpark Magic and The Power of Friendship

    There are many ways to lower high blood sugar in a T1D. The most common is giving yourself insulin to put yourself back in range. But sometimes you will get a stubborn high that even a boatload of insulin cannot seem to cure. Over the years I have realized that running around a waterpark for a few hours is bound to drop one's BG back into range. Sometimes it drops a little too much, a little too fast.

They have my back all the time :) 

    Recently, my dear friend and I went on a indoor water park adventure. The days prior to that outing I had been having uncharacteristically high BGs even though my carb intake had been low and I was very active. Before entering the park my BG was at about 180 which is ideal before such activity and I had a small uncovered snack. This park had some amazingly cool, fast, and somewhat scary water slides which require walking up steep staircases multiple times carrying inner tubes to slide down on. I felt myself starting to drop at a constant rate but decided to keep going, because once I stopped I knew I would probably not feel well anymore. At one point I finally said to my friend, "look at my hands", which were shaking like a leaf. So she suggested I check right then and there. And I was 50. All I had was a PB&J bar worth 25 carbs. I was not planning on eating all of it because I thought I would just end up high again, but my friend suggested I eat it all so I would not have to stop again. That ended up being the best decision, because after an additional hour of water park fun and the extra carbs, I left the water park with a BG of 65. A little low but nothing a Starbucks treat cannot fix :)
    I am so fortunate to have multiple friends who are eager to learn about how I live and what it takes to live a "normal" life. The friends who notice when I am driving slower than a snail on the road and say "let me drive" because they know I am most likely battling a high BG. The ones who can identify when I am low and are always there when I need to vent. I am so LUCKY to have support like that.

LIFE

     Sometimes I let Diabetes be in my thoughts every moment of every day and am always on edge with numbers, carb counts, and activity level. But then there are the times when real life comes along and steals away attention from D. When other things seem more important and D goes on the back burner for a bit. And I am ok with that. It does not mean I do not care about my health and neglect it, but I just go on auto pilot.
     This summer has been full of unexpected twist and turns. Times when I needed my friends and they needed me. Moments when I was content with a BG of 211 because I was an emotional mess when my puppy past away. Days when I was ok with only consuming 50 carbs the entire 24 hours because I was busy helping a friend move. Occurrences when I did not change my lancet for over a week because I could not find a new one. Situations when my emotions and friends were more important than D. This cannot last forever while continuing to be healthy, so D must take center stage once again. Things are never going to be perfect, and D has taught me that. Life is a roller coaster ride as it is, and D just makes it even more interesting.