Guilty

       Tonight, I am feeling guilty. Guilty about something I should not even have to worry about. This afternoon I forgot to give an insulin bolus for a sweet treat I consumed and did not realize until it was too late. This was my first time ever getting the above 600 mg/dl reading on my meter. And it is a moment and feeling I never want to experience again.

Yucky

        Immediately I blame myself. It is my responsibility to count carbs and bolus correctly. Diabetes must be on my radar at all times. But a human-being cannot remember everything. Mistakes will be made because nothing is perfect. I must control a function that my body should be able to control on it's own. And it's so HARD. That's the truth. I cannot let diabetes take over my life. These bad moments come for a reason, to remind me to get back on track. One bad day is not the end of the world, but it sure scared me and serves as a reminder that every moment is precious.

Tonight I am praying hard for a cure...

PS: The BG is back in range, and all is well :) 

Show me your pump

          People inspire others every single day. You read about these stories on the news all the time. Usually I don't  pay much attention, but recently a story caught my eye. Sierra Sandison, who was just recently crowned Miss Idaho, wore her T-slim insulin pump out in the open for all to see during the swimsuit competition. People may think that this is no big deal, but in the mind of a T1D this is no small task. It takes extreme courage to put your disease out there in plain site for all to see. I may seem like I am very open with my disease, but my pump is one thing I am self conscious about. Instead of using a pump clip and sticking my pump in my pants pocket, I use a fanny pack type device to conceal it underneath my shirt and am always checking to see if my tubing is hanging out. I don't know why I feel I need to hide it, but it's something I have always done. Deep down I am insecure about having to rely on a device to do something that my body should be capable of doing on it's own.

Pump Selfie 

        Sierra's story has helped me see that if she can wear a bikini on stage in front of thousands of people WITH an insulin pump, then I can casually walk around town with my insulin pump in my pocket for the world to see. She has inspired me not to hide the pride I have for living with Type 1 Diabetes. If people ask questions, I can answer them with confidence knowing I am advocating for a disease that has many misconceptions. Many T1D's acrossed the country have been encouraged by Sierra and there is currently a #showmeyourpump hashtag on instagram where pump users are posting all kinds of selfies with their insulin pumps. Looking at these pictures brings tears to my eyes. It saddens me that we have to wear these devices, but it makes my heart smile knowing we are in this together fighting the same battle, a battle we are winning. SHOW ME YOUR PUMP!

Not normal

Let's not kid ourselves, life with Type 1 diabetes is NOT normal. There is no denying it. 

Pricking your finger 6 times a day is NOT normal

Giving yourself multiple shots a day is NOT normal 

Wearing your pancreas on the outside is NOT normal 

Measuring everything you ingest is NOT normal 

Counting carbs is NOT normal 

Peeing on a stick is NOT normal 

Drinking juice boxes in order to stay alive is NOT normal 

Living this ABNORMAL life comes with challenges but also many victories. 

Everyday is a TREASURE 

Beating high blood sugars is INCREDIBLE 

Teaching others about the disease is a GIFT 

Waterpark Magic and The Power of Friendship

    There are many ways to lower high blood sugar in a T1D. The most common is giving yourself insulin to put yourself back in range. But sometimes you will get a stubborn high that even a boatload of insulin cannot seem to cure. Over the years I have realized that running around a waterpark for a few hours is bound to drop one's BG back into range. Sometimes it drops a little too much, a little too fast.

They have my back all the time :) 

    Recently, my dear friend and I went on a indoor water park adventure. The days prior to that outing I had been having uncharacteristically high BGs even though my carb intake had been low and I was very active. Before entering the park my BG was at about 180 which is ideal before such activity and I had a small uncovered snack. This park had some amazingly cool, fast, and somewhat scary water slides which require walking up steep staircases multiple times carrying inner tubes to slide down on. I felt myself starting to drop at a constant rate but decided to keep going, because once I stopped I knew I would probably not feel well anymore. At one point I finally said to my friend, "look at my hands", which were shaking like a leaf. So she suggested I check right then and there. And I was 50. All I had was a PB&J bar worth 25 carbs. I was not planning on eating all of it because I thought I would just end up high again, but my friend suggested I eat it all so I would not have to stop again. That ended up being the best decision, because after an additional hour of water park fun and the extra carbs, I left the water park with a BG of 65. A little low but nothing a Starbucks treat cannot fix :)
    I am so fortunate to have multiple friends who are eager to learn about how I live and what it takes to live a "normal" life. The friends who notice when I am driving slower than a snail on the road and say "let me drive" because they know I am most likely battling a high BG. The ones who can identify when I am low and are always there when I need to vent. I am so LUCKY to have support like that.

LIFE

     Sometimes I let Diabetes be in my thoughts every moment of every day and am always on edge with numbers, carb counts, and activity level. But then there are the times when real life comes along and steals away attention from D. When other things seem more important and D goes on the back burner for a bit. And I am ok with that. It does not mean I do not care about my health and neglect it, but I just go on auto pilot.
     This summer has been full of unexpected twist and turns. Times when I needed my friends and they needed me. Moments when I was content with a BG of 211 because I was an emotional mess when my puppy past away. Days when I was ok with only consuming 50 carbs the entire 24 hours because I was busy helping a friend move. Occurrences when I did not change my lancet for over a week because I could not find a new one. Situations when my emotions and friends were more important than D. This cannot last forever while continuing to be healthy, so D must take center stage once again. Things are never going to be perfect, and D has taught me that. Life is a roller coaster ride as it is, and D just makes it even more interesting.

Beach Adventure

     Managing diabetes is always crazy. The moment you think you have things under control, a new variable comes into the mix and throws everything off again. And that's just life. My numbers were quite steady all spring, but as always, when the heat of summer begins to return, I get a string of low BGs. I switch to different basal rates for the summer to accommodate this change.
   
     The summer adds another layer of D things to worry about, some that I am still learning. I kicked off the summer season by going to visit one of my dearest friends and fellow T1D, E, at her university which happens to be located right near one of the amazing Great Lakes. Whenever I am with this girl, I can totally be my crazy self. She knows me inside out and there is no way to hide anything from the boss. We can talk about anything and everything, D is quite a popular topic because we can bounce ideas and stories off of each other. She sometimes gives me the reality check that I need. I explained to her that sometimes I will here the low BG alarm on my Dexcom and just ignore it in order continue sleeping instead of getting up and correcting with juice. She reminded me of a recent story on twitter about a young teen dying in her sleep due to a low LG. She told me that I am lucky to have the CGM technology, and it would be better to just drink the juice and go a bit high instead of ignoring the low. I know that in my heart but sometimes these tasks seem like such a burden and it helps having a friend dealing with them right along with you. even though it totally SUCKS.

OUCH 

     I have only taken a handful of trips to the beach in my career with D so far so I am still learning little tips here and there. First, in the past at the beach my meter has not always worked because it became to hot, so we kept them in the cooler in order to prevent them from happening. E also reminded me to keep my pump under a towel or blanket while laying out in the sun to help protect the precious insulin. This is something I have always known, but with my constantly on the go personality, some of these "common sense" D tasks slip my mind ;). A universal beach rule that all people should follow is wearing sunscreen and reapplying every 80 minutes. Somehow, although we did apply sunscreen after arriving at our location, E and I got completely ruined by the sun and ended up with some of the most epic sunburns known to man. We looked pretty funny with our strange burn patterns, especially my insertion set tan line, hee hee!

    I say this all the time but I am so incredibly blessed to have people in my life who just "get me". Not everyone has such wonderful friends, and it is even more rare to have a best friend who shares the same life altering disease with you. It makes this crazy life not seem so scary and unmanageable <3
   

PSA: Dog Collars

      Life is fragile and every moment should be cherished, that is something I learned early on by living with Type 1 Diabetes. Never taken things for granted and live each moment to create lifelong memories. This message can be used in all walk of life including the loss of beloved pets. 8 days after my family brought home our precious 2 month old Boston Terrier puppy, Daisy Mae, she died in a freak accident. 

     Daisy Mae died in her crate after being strangled when her collar and dog leash tag got stuck in the railings of her crate. She was jumping around in there as we left for the morning like she always did and we assume it happened shortly thereafter. It is reported that up to 26,000 collar strangulation accidents occur each year, usually occurring when two dogs “play bite” each other in the neck area and teeth get caught on the collar. Other strangulation hazards can occur when collars get caught in: fences, slats on decks, crates and kennels, heating/ cooling vents, shrubs, and branches. We were never made aware of this risk, so we always just purchased traditional collars for our dogs. I was so amazed that our experienced vet was not aware of the prevalence of this issue. It is a hidden risk for dog owners and I think it is important that awareness is brought to this issue. I highly recommend looking into a break-away collar for your pets. They allow for peace of mind and will release your dog if a dangerous amount of pressure is placed on it. 

    It is so amazing how a five pound fur ball who I only knew for a week has had such an impact on my life. Daisy Mae, thank you for being the calming influence I needed in my life along with cuteness that cannot be topped. Even though you were itty-bitty and your time with us was  so short, you were already such an important part of my family. Always in my heart baby girl, now go enjoy doggie heaven. 

Daisy Mae: March 24, 2014- May 31, 2014 

    Please share this post with your friends and family, dogs are special creatures and together we can keep them safe.