Friday, August 29, 2014

An Invisible Story

        Since the day I was born, I was always "that girl" who was sickly. At birth I was 6lbs. and 12oz., but I lost weight like it was my duty in life. I wouldn't breast feed and it took forever to find a bottle I would use, my stubborn nature was evident from the start. My parents purchased a baby scale and religiously weighed me every night to make sure I was gaining. Eventually I caught on and that bullet was dodged.
       At the age of 3, I began having bathroom issues. I was taken to the gastroenterologist, who commented I was the youngest patient he had ever seen with these issues. They preformed a colonoscopy, and discovered colon polyps. Luckily they were benign, another sigh of relief for my parents. By the time I was 6 years old, I had endured 5 colonoscopies. But my parents never took pity on me, they just explained it so simply that I thought all kids had colonoscopies. Little did I know that this procedure is most common in late adulthood. As I grew, I sometimes talked about what I had endured and others were just disgusted that I would bring that up, like it was a bad thing and I should hide it.
      Off and on as I grew up, I made numerous trips to the pediatrician for small things like acid reflux, scarlet fever, easy bruising, scoliosis, pneumonia, and frequent ear infections. But I was always fine. As a freshman in high school I suffered from my 3rd case of pneumonia. This time it hit me hard, and my body did not bounce back like it had in the past. I lost weight, had a terrible cough, and fainting spells because I couldn't breath. I was admitted into the hospital for 3 nights where the doctors were convinced I had late onset Cystic Fibrosis. My mom was devastated and could not believe her ears as the doctors discussed treatment plans. By the grace of God, the tests came back negative. I was instead diagnosed with Bronchiectasis, a disease where the lungs are stretched and widened due to scar issue and mucus can block the airways. This can be treated with several different breathing treatments, and I have had much success with them so it is not a major issue for me currently.
       Then Type 1 Diabetes came into my life at the age of 17. Honestly out of all my diagnosis, I took this one the easiest because I had grown up with a childhood friend who is a T1D. I was not scared because I knew I would still be able to lead a normal life. But it is an invisible disease where on the outside you appear totally fine but on the inside your are always fighting an internal battle against sugar, carbs, insulin, exercise, and millions of other variables. But it becomes the new "normal" and life goes on. People have a hard time understanding the disease and judge without really knowing it. That's why we must advocate, not just for diabetes, but all diseases.
        I am not looking for pity in this post. I do not want people to feel sorry for me because I am living a happy, healthy life. I am exposed to wonderful technology and have an amazing support system. I am lucky.
       I am just asking for no judgement. Everyone has their own story, their own private lives where they suffer. I have friends and family who live with a variety of diseases and health issues including: Type 1 Diabetes, Celiacs, Anorexia, Fibromyalgia, Leukemia, Crohns, Multiple Sclerosis, Colon Cancer, Breast Cancer, Depression, Cystic Fibrosis, Autism, Blindness, Deafness, Asthma, and the list can go on and on. All of these diseases suck, but all the sufferers I know are so much more than their disease. They are HUMANS, they are FIGHTERS, and they LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS. So please DO NOT JUDGE. Treat everyone with respect because we all live with something that has changed us. An invisible story that makes us who we are. So do not be afraid to share your story. I am sure it is worth telling. <3
This is ME. Be proud of who you are. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014


The reality is this summer was less than desirable.
The reality is we had a four foot flood in our basement.
The reality is I lost many cherished items.
The reality is diabetes sucks.
The reality is I am not in complete control.
Life does not always play fair and that's ok.
The reality is it'll be fine as my BFF continuously reminds me.
Lost items are not as important as people and memories.
Diabetes will always throw curve ballast me, I just have to correct and move on.
The reality is this summer made me a stronger person.


Friday, August 1, 2014


       Tonight, I am feeling guilty. Guilty about something I should not even have to worry about. This afternoon I forgot to give an insulin bolus for a sweet treat I consumed and did not realize until it was too late. This was my first time ever getting the above 600 mg/dl reading on my meter. And it is a moment and feeling I never want to experience again.
        Immediately I blame myself. It is my responsibility to count carbs and bolus correctly. Diabetes must be on my radar at all times. But a human-being cannot remember everything. Mistakes will be made because nothing is perfect. I must control a function that my body should be able to control on it's own. And it's so HARD. That's the truth. I cannot let diabetes take over my life. These bad moments come for a reason, to remind me to get back on track. One bad day is not the end of the world, but it sure scared me and serves as a reminder that every moment is precious.
Tonight I am praying hard for a cure...
PS: The BG is back in range, and all is well :)